Mainly Void Thoughts

Every beginning has an end. every end has a new beginning.

It’s been 11 years and 4 days since we got together. We’ve had good times. We’ve had bad times. Whatever happened, you were always there for me, and I did my best to be there for you. You’ve been the light in my life. My shoulder to cry on. You’ve been my best friend and my worst enemy. You’ve been more than I could ever have asked or even dreamed of. You were the one for me and the one I hoped would one day marry, after almost 7 years of being engaged, waiting to hear you say you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.

Last night all of that was taken away from me. I woke up this morning in a dark corner of the deepest recesses of my mind. Not even knowing if I’d have the strength to swing my legs over the edge of the bed so I could start another day. The only thing I remember from driving in to work was seeing you, as you undertook me, in the buslane, while I was sitting there stuck in traffic, deep in my own thoughts.

Right now I don’t know what to say, what to do or how to act. I keep wandering the office hallways, like a zombie. all I can think of is you. My mind keeps exploding, tears filling my eyes, to reminding myself of where I am and what I am supposed to be doing. Work. Trying to help someone sort out some permissions problem they have, because they can’t create files on some host, all I can see in front of me is your face.

I would do anything to get those years back, starting from fresh, so I could treat you better than I have done. So I could keep holding you in my arms for another 11 years and 4 days.

That won’t happen now. Those days are gone and left behind us, floating away like leafs on a cold autumn day.

You know you’ve met the one to spend your life with, when you realise, they are more than you can ever hope to deserve. This is what you have been to me, my love, my shining light, the one I aspire to be one day.

Now, I can no longer feel your love, your passionate kiss on my lips, your tender embrace.

Now, I get to spend my days, in the place we bought together, as lovers, as friends, on my own. Sitting in the couch, hearing nothing but the silence after you have left, waiting for you to come back home, just one more time, just one more hug, just one more kiss. I’ll be sitting there, hoping even for one of the arguments that we had. Loud, noisy, hours on end. The times we had are just that, times we had. They’ll never come back, only to be remembered. All the good and all the bad. I wouldn’t have wanted to have had them any other way.

But now, it’s a new day, it’s a new dawn. It’s my day. It’s my dawn. I’ll still love you, even though I will never have you back again. It’s now my day, my dawn, my own time.

Goodbye my love. Goodbye my light. It’s a new day. It’s a new dawn.

I’ve been thinking about this recently, as I’ve been seeing more and more things having what I can only describe as a “dual nature”, or “duality”, aspect to them. Something with a “dual nature” in this case is something which is also totally opposites to each other, but without becoming an oxymoron. Let me try to explain the differences here first…

And oxymoron is something where you have to things completely contradicting each other, to the point where they also exclude each other. When I speak of something having “duality” or “dual nature” it also contains these contradicting terms (or so one thinks initially) but they are not excluding each other. In actual fact, they are so far apart and contradicting to each other, they cannot exist without one another. That in itself is an excellent description of this aspect of “duality”.

Let me give you a few examples:

Light cannot exist without darkness, and vice versa! How do you know day light has arrived, if you are not able to see the darkness of the night? Consider someone who was born completely blind for example. Such a person wouldn’t know what daylight is, in itself. Yes, he or she may notice the sun touching on their skin, but what if it is a very cloudy day, the blinds are down, or they are in a room without windows?

Silence cannot exist without sound either, nor can sound exist without silence.

“Good” cannot exist without “evil”. What is good and what is evil?

Peace cannot exist without war.

Life cannot exist without death and death would never exist without life.

A straight road doesn’t just lead forwards, but also backwards. Same as a bend in the road goes both to the right and to the left at the same time. “Whatever goes up, must also come back down.”

So, what use is this duality thing then? Why, where and how can this be useful to understand? Lots of places, situations, thoughts and considerations one encounters in life, is my answer. Very deep, is it? Perhaps, perhaps not. Where it is helping me is when I learn something new. What is said? What is not said?

I find it very interesting when I see people berating each other on the Internet. It’s something that happens not just daily, but constantly, thanks to the “anonymity” and distance people believe they have between themselves and others. They get so tied into this one aspect they are arguing over, they completely miss any valid and possibly important points their “enemy” may present. Instead, I’m trying to add what I’ve recently posted about, while keeping an open mind to what is said, trying to not be judgemental about any statements made. Here is another place where this idea of “duality” may also fit in, as one can use it to be objective and “see the other side of the coin”. For instance, if there’s an argument over something, let people take their own idea, spin it around 180 degrees and have them look at things again. What will show up then? Will a solution to whatever problem being “discussed” suddenly appear? Will it make it easier for each party to take another step towards a good and achievable goal, or will they simply refuse and sit and pout like a 5 year old not getting their candy?

This thing of a “dual nature” can be quite useful, if you try to apply it. Don’t think about it too much, rather just flip things around and see what you find. I can guarantee you, you will be surprised sometimes.

There’s always two points of view, at least. Very much like everything is relative, even relativity as well as something as absolute as time.

Been a while since last I posted! To be honest, I don’t have a specific topic in mind. More that I just wanted to say that I’m feeling great today! Had a fantastic training session last night and now enjoy the usual soreness, which is all good. Being on the mats just makes me feel alive, happy and full of energy.

I have been up to my eye balls with things to do, and something that I really wanted to get through just hasn’t had the opportunity to be raised above the “must do’s” in the last couple of weeks. I’m really looking forward to finally have a few moments (in between everything else) where I can focus on those. I have lots of things I want to do for my clinic that I am trying to plan out and get organised. More training opportunities coming up, lots of things happening at the day job and in general just keeping really busy. Hopefully I can get a couple of hours to spend with my girlfriend too, one of these days!

But, as the headline says, it’s Friday! So today I am throwing out my task list (once I get out of work anyway) and we’ll be going to a good friends 40th birthday this evening. Really looking forward to it, as I’ve been way too busy to keep up with friends for some time now and there will be a number of great people there tonight. Really looking forward to seeing them all again. A lot of them live around the corner from us, so I’ve been feeling bad about not having had a chance to see them for so long. Seriously, they are within walking distance. So, tonight I’ll have a chance to make amends and have a blast.

Task list, screw you. I’m having fun tonight, no matter what you think I should do.

Gavin, Happy Birthday buddy!

The other day I was talking about “Looking” so I thought I’d post something on “Listening” too … We do both every day, but it does seem we humans are preoccupied a lot of the time and missing what is actually happening around us, instead focusing inwards, to ourselves.

Listening is actually quite simple. It is something (most of us) does from birth (unless you are deaf of course). What is trickier is to understand when it is vital to listen.

Yesterday was Valentines Day. A day when, supposedly, one takes extra time with the love of their life, making it a special day. Looking after each other, caring for each other. Except for some. Instead, for their own reasons, they feel slighted over something. Seemingly, one of our neighbours felt slighted over something yesterday and the shouting began. Not the way to enjoy a special day with the love of ones life, is it?

Here is where the listening part comes in (along with a good dose of self discipline). Let’s start at the “talking” side of the fence here …

1. Shouting rarely gets your point across in a well received way
2. Nor does slamming or throwing things
3. If you’re actually sad, being aggressive won’t convey that you’re sad
4. Take a deep breath, and speak, respectfully, to your life companion (!)
5. Say what you feel, if you’re hurting, say you are
6. Assumptions are the bane of many a splendid thing

Right, so what do you do when you notice the love and light of your life tenses up, pulls up the shoulders to their ears, lower lip trembling, a deep sigh escaping as the eyes are glistening? Yes, see all those tell tale signs? Listening is not just done with your ears. Don’t forget, at least 80% of what you want to convey is body language, not spoken language. This is the point where most people miss their first indication something is up, that someone is sad and need a shoulder, and ear (and possibly a tissue, no my t-shirt isn’t one).

If you get the previous paragraph (and I mean get) the art of listening becomes easy. You’ve done the hard part, realised someone needs you (or they wouldn’t indicate such to you, right? Obvious, right? No?)

How does one listen then? Actually listen to someone? Easy …

1. SHUT UP!
2. Wait, there’s probably lots of thoughts forming still, needing to be formulated into words. Wait for them.
3. Keep eye contact
4. Don’t feel slighted or become defensive, it’s probably something the other person thinks is really important
5. Put yourself in that individuals shoes and really try to understand what they feel
6. Don’t be insulting by interrupting or stressing forward in what essentially is a “soul dump”
7. Hugs generally work wonders. Touch is usually fine
8. Keep a low and calm voice. Do you feel better when someone is irritated towards you when you are sad yourself?
9. Ask probing questions to slowly get more and more information, between spouts of commentary
10. Be respectful and understanding. It’s called empathy.

Being objective about others emotions actually becomes quite easy, if you think of it. It’s their emotions, not yours. You still need to consider the fact that you need to understand the emotions in play here. At the same time, you’re not the one feeling them, so you might much more easily find other ways to come to a solution to whatever is ailing this wonderful, loving, caring person that is standing before you.

Looking at the above, you might think “Wow, that’s a lot to remember, isn’t it?”. Is it? Really? Well, if you say so! Then again, isn’t it worth learning all of that instead of screaming at each other, on Valentines Day? Perhaps, those things will even make things start running even smoother between you, who knows?

So, next time your better (yes, yes, always better) half starts screaming at you, shut up and listen. Don’t scream back, and trust me, they’ll won’t know what to do, as they surely expect you to get upset too. But that is for another post I think.

One sees so many things during the span of a single day. So many impressions to be had, if one just looks for them. In an every day situation, there is just so many things you can pick up along the way. One can pick up the emotional state of others, just by a glance. One can pick up the sense of joy from a kid smiling as they play around, squealing of happiness. Over the last few days, I have picked up a few other things though.

This week we have spent going down the slopes of Zell am See in the Austrian alps. It has been absolutely fabulous here with lots of sunshine, great food, nice slopes and of course the obligatory hot chocolates with rum.

But the things I’ve picked up on has been a few lessons from the Martial Art I train. It is absolutely amazing how something one learns from fighting can be translated into something like skiing or snowboarding.

In Martial Arts there’s various stances one takes. It is those I’ve mostly picked up on, but other things as well. Looking at an instructor pass with a few students learning how to snow board one can easily pick up several stances as they all learn how to turn. Starting in shizen, slightly bent knees, relaxed. Moving on to hira to enhance stability when starting to move, through ichimonji to start a turn and hoko to again keep stability towards the end of a turn.

Apart from the stances there’s the lessons learned from keeping a smooth flow, keeping going even as the initial fear of falling (and the pain found when landing) creeps up in the back of their heads, taking a bump when one loses control all the way through the happiness when the realization strikes that “hey, I can do this!”…. All the way through trying to capture a feeling, a feeling of flow, smoothness and eventually building up an awareness of what is happening around you (while trying to stay balanced, lest it’ll hurt suddenly) …

Funny that, exactly the same things one is being taught in a Martial Arts dojo, just in a different setting.

For a skier, there’s similar lessons to be found, just different stances. One could think of it as different dances even. Consider the differences, and the similarities between, different kinds of dances. Different steps and movements, but still there’s rhythm and motion as well as knowing where your partner is as well as anyone else on the dance floor.

A skier keeps his focus down hill, a Martial Artist keeps his focus on his opponents eyes. Same thing, just a different object, but both are directed towards where the biggest danger shows itself first. The place where the biggest opportunities can be gotten from, right down “the eye of the tiger”…

Funny that, how such completely different things can hold so many things in common, if one is just looking for them and understanding them. If you look and understand what you see, it will open new doors to you, previously hidden, right on front of your eyes.

Funny that.

If you’ve kept up with me on FarceBook recently, you’ve probably noticed I’ve started my training again. It feels absolutely amazing being back on the mats again.

Sure, I ache everywhere, every day. Still, the more I train the more I am realising I need to train. Not just for getting fit or even for learning a Martial Art. Getting fit is always a good thing. Learning a Martial Art is probably one of the best decisions I’ve taken in life. But there’s so many other things I am learning along the way too.

However, none of them defines this need, this craving for more. Some might even call it ab obsession, though I’m not sure if qualifies. I’d almost call it an addiction. It might actually fit a medical definition of addiction!

How many people do you know that train regularly? Ask those how they feel when they simply can’t get back to their routine and train as normal. More than likely they’ll tell you they feel like they don’t have the energy they used to. They don’t feel good and happy, because they can’t get their fix.

Personally, I get agitated if I can’t train for a while. All those endorphins, that adrenaline pumping through your body. But not just that rush, but also the peaceful state you can find yourself in, right when it is very hectic around you, you can just zone out. Some would describe training hard as the best meditation they’ve ever experienced. In what I train you’ll have a fist flying towards your face, so how can one relax completely and utterly when someone is trying to hit you?

I’m finding out some things I just find utterly amazing, during the most odd times. Thing is, I just love finding those things. I love that rush and I love the calmness, the utter peace, that comes with it.

Damn it, I’ve become a training junkie.

Wow. I’ve spent a couple of days now investigating how I can use organic search for my clinics website along with potentially using AdWords to help generating traffic.

I pity the poor fool starting their own small business trying to get this around their heads, unless they have prior IT experience. Yes, it all makes sense, technically. However, if you’re a hair salon or something like that and want to get more clients through your website, you’re likely going to hire in someone to do the work for you. This is truly where it gets messy, possibly more expensive than you thought and in worst cases your site may get hijacked. Seeing as I have some IT knowledge I figured I’d see if I can’t get my clinics website to be more prominently shown, without using ads, if possible. Plus, it’d mean my wallet won’t be impacted either.

Sure, it’ll probably take me slightly longer, but that is also just fine. So, I’m devising a slightly different approach than what I have seen any other alternative medicine website using so far, without being annoying to users. Actually, it may make it even easier for people to find topics they are interested in. The exact workings of this is quite simple, so I will not even spell them out here. You’ll figure it out if you look closely enough …

Let’s see how this experiment pans out.

Excellent, the new website for the Break Free Hypnosis clinic is up and running! For those of you who haven’t yet seen it, head on over to http://breakfree.ie and do let me know if you think there’s is anything you feel is missing, could be done better or anything else you can think of.

The initial response has been truly amazing and I am somewhat humbled by the experience. It does give me great hopes for the future, not just the reception from all of you, but also getting a few client bookings within the first 24 hours of opening, one treated within that time period!

It seems like this year not only has some great new beginnings on offer, but also lots of other fun and interesting things.

//anders

Great movie, if you still haven’t seen it. I had one or two things I got out of it. In particular a couple of lines from a poem Nelson Mandela quoted.

I am the master of my fate.
I am the captor of my soul.

A particular emphasis on “I” should be noted here. It might even be called “defiance” considering he spent 27 years in jail. Considering what he managed to achieve with the country and the people contained within its borders one shouldn’t forget all the hard feelings between blacks and whites. Managing to forgive ones captors after such a long time in captivity, I can’t start to imagine how he managed it. How do you forgive those who essentially took half your life away from you? How do you forgive someone who has beaten you with a stick, just for the colour of your skin?

Consider yourself in this situation, sitting in a cell barely big enough for you to spread your arms out. You have a blanket as your mattress on the concrete floor, a pillow and a chair. This is your home, for a very long time. Nothing you have is yours. You have no family. You have no future. What you can look forward to is a soggy meal and breaking up rocks, while your feet are in chains and the sun unrelentingly beating down on your back. Day in, day out. Week in, week out. Month in Month out. Year in, year out. Years on end. How would you cope? Would you feel that life is hopeless? I don’t think the word “possibly” even should be considered here, as I can guarantee you, that is how you will feel. Anger is pointless as it will only attract a beating, from other inmates or from the wardens.

Then read the above quote again.

There’s a lot of meaning hidden in those two sentences. Would you be able to be so benevolent to those who took everything away from you, and I truly mean everything. Even the food you eat, being allowed a drink of water, basic needs like going to the toilet. At the mercy of someone else. Someone who might beat you with a baton, just because you tried to ask for something you today take for granted.

Read the above quote again.

In the movie, the second sentence has one word changed, probably to underline Nelson Mandela was a captive for so long. In the original, it says “captain” and not “captor”.

Here’s the original text of that poem:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Everyday, be the master of your fate, be the captain of your soul, then you can conquer any obstacle in your life.

A New Year has passed and people are starting to try and get back into things after a first work week. All these sad faces. But, tell you what, the year has only started. Don’t discount it just yet, just because you don’t like to do what you need to do. I know, I know, staying in bed in the morning is nice, but it sure won’t pay the bills!

Here’s the nice thing about it. It can only get better, right? What’s the point in feeling sad? Why don’t you start something right now? Something you always wanted to do? Or set something in motion, to get to do that thing you always wanted to do? Get yourself something to look forward to at the end of the day. Start planning that trip to Bali. Start saving the money you’ll need for it. Look up that new bike you want to get. What’s the point in being miserable? Life’s to bloody short to be miserable. Ain’t that right, Mr. Grumpy?

And smile.

Whatever you do, smile.

Me? I’ll be back training next week, sod the aching knees. Sure, I’ll take it easy (promise, only one shiner per session, alright?). To me, it’s a really positive thing, looking forward to getting on the mats again. Me knees have been aching for the last several months, haven’t been able to train very much, but I’ve been smiling the whole way through it and I keep looking forward to get back doing it all again. That’s what’s keeping me happy, and I don’t mean that in a way that says “it’s all keeping me happy”, because that isn’t true either. But it is one major thing for me.

I hope you have something like that in your life. Something other than either your work or even your family, that keeps you happy. Something just for you. Let’s face it, we all need something we can call our own. Something we do once in a while, just for ourselves. Something that makes us smile out of pure joy.

So, why not keep smiling for the rest of the year? Might make you remember it as one of the best years you’ve had, and only you can make it that great.

Smile.